If only we could live in a free society without any fence enclosing it. Instead we are given these man-made walls of expectations that seem like it was built to dampen our spirits and limit our capabilities more than encouraging it to expand.
I suppose such an utopia can exists within the realms of ignorance, unfortunately for us, we are blessed (or cursed) with a double binding, double edge sword of consciousness and self awareness.
As beings of a relatively higher sense of self awareness, it is only with time and life experiences that we will question ourselves of our sense of being – who we are? What is our purpose here? What do we want in life?
It comes a point in almost every person's life to reach that juncture of self doubt. And the process is accelerated with the mental maturation due to exposure to the certain environment and people whom consciously or subconsciously, see you through the lens that projects you as a person with the potential of a great many things. Such expectations, such pressure if you may call it, would only act as catalyst for the planting of the seed of conflict within anybody's heart. And it is a conflict between what is expected, and what you think you may want in life.
The thing about having this set of roles expected of you, or this piece of mould that you are suppose to take after, is that you will have this thought that you could be contented with a life that is well, by society's standard, lesser well off that what you could achieve. Ever thought that perhaps such an idea is only a result of knowing that you would not actually take such a road therefore, such a fathomable fantasy is possible? And even seem lucrative due to its elusiveness?
You will think to yourself “Isn't earning a decent living, and living a comfortable life enough? I don't need such fame, such recognition, and such money to be happy. Right?” True. If that is what you want, and that is how you lead your life. Because if that is what you really want, you wouldn't question it just as much.
Being creatures of association or members of the larger society, we are compelled to conform (despite our self proclaimed individuality) to the ideas of the mainstream in order to survive. It is almost inevitable as it is a mechanism of survivability – adaptability. That is why we care so much of how others may perceive us. As much as we want to think that the opinions of others about us do not matter, their feelings towards us, and caused by us, matters. If you are adamant in thinking that you live not by the expectations of others, well you still live by your own expectations you impose on your very self. You may not be too bothered about your obligations to others but you have an obligation to yourself.
That is why you feel the need to explore your fullest potentials and “reach for the stars”. Perhaps you want to live your life and at the end of the day not have that tinging sense of regret in your heart. But then, there will also be the question of “is this all worth it?” so should we maximize what we've got? Or just be most efficient about it by just putting in adequate energy and time and lead a fairly comfortable life?
In the end, ask yourself this question “what makes me happy?”. I don't know if it will work for you. But for me, what makes me happy is knowing that I have done my best within my capabilities and knowledge that I have not disappointed my family. Surely, I could have just quit studies and be the wandering free spirited social worker. But I wasn't courageous enough to do so. But more importantly, my obligation to myself is to prioritize my family's happiness and well being. And while I may be just as happy dancing to that bohemian rhapsody, and I am sure my family will support me nonetheless in my pursuit of happiness; I know that I would not be able to provide them as I should or as I could should I continue pursuing my initial goals in life. And that is unbearable to me.
As beings of a relatively higher sense of self awareness, it is only with time and life experiences that we will question ourselves of our sense of being – who we are? What is our purpose here? What do we want in life?
It comes a point in almost every person's life to reach that juncture of self doubt. And the process is accelerated with the mental maturation due to exposure to the certain environment and people whom consciously or subconsciously, see you through the lens that projects you as a person with the potential of a great many things. Such expectations, such pressure if you may call it, would only act as catalyst for the planting of the seed of conflict within anybody's heart. And it is a conflict between what is expected, and what you think you may want in life.
The thing about having this set of roles expected of you, or this piece of mould that you are suppose to take after, is that you will have this thought that you could be contented with a life that is well, by society's standard, lesser well off that what you could achieve. Ever thought that perhaps such an idea is only a result of knowing that you would not actually take such a road therefore, such a fathomable fantasy is possible? And even seem lucrative due to its elusiveness?
You will think to yourself “Isn't earning a decent living, and living a comfortable life enough? I don't need such fame, such recognition, and such money to be happy. Right?” True. If that is what you want, and that is how you lead your life. Because if that is what you really want, you wouldn't question it just as much.
Being creatures of association or members of the larger society, we are compelled to conform (despite our self proclaimed individuality) to the ideas of the mainstream in order to survive. It is almost inevitable as it is a mechanism of survivability – adaptability. That is why we care so much of how others may perceive us. As much as we want to think that the opinions of others about us do not matter, their feelings towards us, and caused by us, matters. If you are adamant in thinking that you live not by the expectations of others, well you still live by your own expectations you impose on your very self. You may not be too bothered about your obligations to others but you have an obligation to yourself.
That is why you feel the need to explore your fullest potentials and “reach for the stars”. Perhaps you want to live your life and at the end of the day not have that tinging sense of regret in your heart. But then, there will also be the question of “is this all worth it?” so should we maximize what we've got? Or just be most efficient about it by just putting in adequate energy and time and lead a fairly comfortable life?
In the end, ask yourself this question “what makes me happy?”. I don't know if it will work for you. But for me, what makes me happy is knowing that I have done my best within my capabilities and knowledge that I have not disappointed my family. Surely, I could have just quit studies and be the wandering free spirited social worker. But I wasn't courageous enough to do so. But more importantly, my obligation to myself is to prioritize my family's happiness and well being. And while I may be just as happy dancing to that bohemian rhapsody, and I am sure my family will support me nonetheless in my pursuit of happiness; I know that I would not be able to provide them as I should or as I could should I continue pursuing my initial goals in life. And that is unbearable to me.
[Now, I am not proposing a rather hedonistic solution to this (although, it would certainly be much easier) but rather try to dwell within the core of who you are and what is it that you really want, from yourself. The answer is more often than not, much simpler than we perceive it to be.] paragraph added on to the original piece.
It was less difficult of a choice when I am certain of what is it that I want. It may not be a specific goal, in fact it is based on a very broad principle; fulfilling my obligations as a daughter and sister. And I am not sure if this is due to cognitive dissonance or not, but I do want to explore my so called “potential” and see how far my efforts can take me.
We are all driven by different engine of motivation. Mine; family. Yours? Well, it's yours to know. In the end, we just need to figure what is at the core of our hearts to receive better guidance in our life choices. And be happy with it because it is a choice we made albeit the chilling effects of external entities.
I really don't know if I actually, well offered competent opinions or just went round and round and made no sense? -.- either way, this is what I think. For now. :)
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