Raleigh.

I realised from reading my previous posts how awful my state-of-mind was at that period of time. Most of them were actually, depressing. It was a time when my thoughts were in a turmoil, spirits at its low. A time when the future seemed bleak as the present was stagnant, repetitious, and well.. meaningless.

Being in Uni for over a year whereby I did nothing but immerse myself in studies, assignments, extracurricular demands really took a toll on my mind. I was so jaded with my routine that I couldn't see the reason why I was doing what I was doing. I doubted if journalism was the right choice. Learning lost its appeal to me. I basically could not see the purpose in life anymore  (as dramatic as it sounds, it holds true nonetheless). Exasperated. Jaded. Lost. I needed to find myself again.

I needed to breakaway from my mechanical hectic life before I take a lunge off the building. And so I did. I  put my studies on hold to participate in Raleigh International Borneo Expedition whereby for 10 weeks, I was "roughing" it out in the lovely Malaysian Borneo engaging in community and environmental projects. Not forgetting, a little outdoor adventure!

And to sum up my entire Raleigh experience? One word : Amazing.

I remember the night before my flight to KK where home was a madhouse. I chucked everything I think I needed in my rucksack while baking oreo cheesecake for my sister and settling some university applications. Sitting in the car, I was such a nerve wreck. I was not ready to leave. Yet, all I wanted was to get out from where I was. Not ready to go but desperate of being anywhere but here. (there)

Ultimately, Raleigh for me at that point (after my 3 months in Borneo) was the best decision I ever made. I needed that break. And with that decision, came the experiences which taught me a great deal about life, about myself. I reconciled with my inner doubts. Reaffirmed my shaken beliefs. And finally, came back with a more relaxed self.

The best thing about Raleigh, was not only how I discovered a part of Malaysia that I was ignorant about; it wasn't the sense of fulfillment I got from building those structures nor the gratifying rewarding sense of achievement when I completed that trek, but above all; it was the friends that I made.

The friends whom I have come to cherish.

Friends whom (yes, very the cliched) well, should be made to lifetime friends. They taught me many a things in ways they themselves do not realize. And for that I am grateful.

Being reminded that I've met them is the only consolation for me to ease the pain and sense of regret of all things lost due to my irresponsible premature departure.

- this post was drafted on the 24th of July 2010 but only posted today-